Experiencing the loss of my grandmother to cancer is no easy thing for me. She is a person who was very close to me and I loved her dearly. She helped raise me, care for me and so much more. I wouldn’t be who I am today without her influence.
The worst part for me is she will never meet my son.
I am nearly 8 months pregnant and 3 weeks ago I went back to visit my dear granny and she got to rub my belly and talk to him she made him a blanket.
Gave me encouraging words and we sat and just cried over being separated again never to see each other again and knowing it.
We made promises of bringing Makoto to visit her so she could hold him and to send her pictures of him. I absolutely hoped at the very least she would make it to see him born but it just wasn’t meant to be.
Losing her was something I was preparing myself for but no amount of preparation worked. I was caught off guard she didn’t make it to the full expectancy she was given. Only 3 weeks after I visited. 2 weeks after we exchanged I love you’s on an Instagram photo.
The pregnancy hormones and grieving mixed together has been the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I feel depressed and tired. Constantly sad and would rather sleep because when I sleep I am not sad. My baby keeps me reminded that I need to eat. I will sit for awhile and think “I should eat but I don’t want to” but he kicks me hard and tells me I have no choice but to feed him and myself. If I don’t eat he will kick me until it hurts.
I don’t know what would have been worse to lose her while not pregnant or lose her while pregnant. My son reminds me to at least take care of myself so maybe it’s for the best in that sense.
I need support though. I am not getting the family support everyone gets by being together back in the US. My family are close knit they are all there for each other. Hugging and kissing and reassuring…I’m alone…my husband and his family don’t understand my pain….I break down and it takes awhile before my husband puts down his hobby stuff to console me…his parents don’t give me the space to grieve and pile on things I can’t deal with right now and only make me feel cornered..
I don’t know where to turn here. I appreciate my family and friends reaching out to me but it’s not the same as being physically consoled. My friends here are all the standard Japanese work a holics not by choice. My husband is easily controlled by his emotions of irritation due to over work and lack of sleep. I don’t think he means to not be supportive it’s just his brain isn’t working properly in that direction because his job is on him all the time.
I am left for long amounts of time alone and in need of something I can’t find. I hope I can get through this for the sake of my babies health. I have to get through it…
Look how dramatically the other mantis falls.
Scar! Brother! Help me!
Long live the king.
I have been lazy about posting much about my pregnancy here. Almost to the end though. Here is my most recent picture of our son Makoto. December can’t come any sooner. So tired of being pregnant.
PLEASE READ AND REBLOG!!!!!
Put your car keys beside your bed at night.
Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr’s office, the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across. Put your car keys beside your bed at night.
If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.
This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It’s a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage.
If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won’t stick around. After a few seconds, all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won’t want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.
I don’t care what your blog theme is, this can save someone’s life and needs to be spread
Grunt needs a second parent and he has your eyes so here it fucking goes.
This is how I romanced Garrus and nobody can tell me otherwise.
- me: what are taxes and how do I pay them?
- school system: worry not
- school system: mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
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